News Flash: I don’t speak English
At my second news meeting, where I was reminded that a dog bite story was genius but they hoped I was happy with my story about the Home Secretary’s plans, I encountered my first serious language barrier.
“So, uh, Lindsey, what are your news ideas for this week?”
“….and a children’s gala (GAY-la) in Westminster Park.”
“I’m sorry what?”
“A children’s gala (GAY-la).”
“GAY-la? Gay-la… Hmmm….”
(Quietly) “Gah-la? Ga-lah?”
“GAY-la…”
The room broke into chatter- what was the savage trying to say? What could she possibly mean?
“With food and drinks and… G-A-L-A”
“OH! A gah-la! We call them GAH-LAHZ here.”
“Oh. Yeah, I thought I…”
“Hahaha, that was good. We’ll teach you proper English yet!”
Hey, I speak English. I speak English so well my country kicked your country’s butt all the way back to the motherland, hokay? If my stars and stripe t-shirt doesn’t say everything I need to about myself, I speak eloquently and articulately, you uncultured mugs.
Later today
“Hey, Jan (male snapper, no not an alligator, a photographer). Can you snap (photograph) some pictures of a children’s gala (gay-la) in Westminster Park Saturday?”
“Gay love?”
“Oh, dang it, I meant GAH-LAH!”
“Oh, I thought you said something about children and gay love!”
“(Sigh) Nope.”
“Wait, where is Westminster Park?”
“Westminster?”
(Clicking on computer) “No, that’s Westminster, CAHnahDAH.”
Even later today…
“Hey Andy, blah-blah-blah?”
“What?” (Comes to stand beside my desk)
“Blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah?”
“I’m sorry, I’m just having trouble understanding your accent. I hope you don’t think I’m being rude.”
Maybe I’ll have better luck in Paris, where I have no illusions of mother tongue or common ancestry.
Things I have learned:
-Dog bites baby > Teenage female violent crime rates rise by 25 percent
Answers I still seek:
-Why are dogs and teenage girls so bloody violent?
I hope you guys understand me,
Lindsey
